Starting all over again

Hi! My name’s Josine.

I started this blog three years ago to detail my boring life as a professional yaya in a Child Care facility that pioneered child care inside a BPO company. I was only 23, idealistic, insightful, and hopeful. I was at the peak of my “young (pre) adulthood”- aside from work, I was deeply immersed in serving our Parish as well as thru several outreach programs, and I was in a steady, committed relationship. My life back then had its own drama, but my responsibilities and life perspective were much simpler.

Now, I’m already 26. No longer single, a newbie Momma of a beautiful princess as well. I am working now as a School Guidance Counselor, with 3 completed units in Grad School. I am no longer active in our Choir, but I have already cross-over CFC with the hubby. By society’s standards, I am not getting any younger anymore. There are times even that it’s with the Parentals that I can already identify myself with. Life still has its drama, and the responsibilities are no more simple than being accountable with another human being (wala, wala talagang pressure.😛).
And on this point in my life (just because I still have some time to spare in my maternity leave i. e. from 12-3am when the little Babe’s wide awake and playing),  I would like to revive this blog to once again chronicle the little things that make my life great and awesome. Especially now that I’m a new mom, I have ton of thoughts to share, while also keeping my sanity intact through writing. Fingers are crossed for me to keep this blog alive. 😊

4 things from the 4 years

Yey! Happy 4^th birthday to us, my love! ^__^

<img class=”wp-image-1220 size-large” src=”https://sidewalkmusingsandgeniuses.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/photogrid_1443510413969.jpg?w=660″ alt=”Fourth Anniversary Fourth Anniversary ❤

Parang dati lang talaga, di pa tayo nagpapansinan! Hahah. I am truly grateful to God that it’s with you I got to celebrate this kind of life’s blessing! And while I am still no expert on love, I just wish to share a testimony on how we’ve reached the fourth year milestone in our relationship. I greatly believe that love is a verb; a daily decision to steer your every action to purposeful dedication to the person you wish to stay with in a steady relationship. Hindi naman puro pasweet sa love, hindi puro kilig, pero hindi rin naman totoong walang forever. I learned that love is a choice to be made every day, a resolve inspired by God and guided by your goals for the future. And before this gets either way too serious or cliché, here’s my 4 lessons from our four years together.

1. LOVE

Very self-explanatory. I wouldn’t have stayed with Aljhon all throughout this time if he doesn’t still attract me. Whenever I caught myself smiling because he smiles, that’s when I know that I’m still in love with him, and I still feel blessed to have him as my partner. This also involves the kilig I feel every time he looks at me, or the way I feel jealous whenever some girls would try to get too close with him or when we didn’t have enough time together. Love, as equaled to enduring attraction, open communication, giving gifts, having dates, and just spending quality time, is a must to every relationship. Love must be tendered and protected, for it to grow and flourish.

2. FRIENDSHIP

I now know that good friends make great lovers, though it may doesn’t fully apply to all kinds of people.  Friendship, with the right balance of similar interests, hobbies, and preferences, is a key ingredient to a lasting relationship. When we were just starting, Aljhon and I made sure that we got to know more of each other through constant conversation and even tampuhan. By choice, we made spending time with each other a priority, and seek to enjoy every moment. We joined groups and events together, did new things together, and tried new places together. We built tradition inside our relationship, and stayed loyal to them. We trusted each other for our secrets, our innermost thoughts, and even the darker side of us. And we also fight. We fight for the little things, and the big ones. We debated and discussed, and then prayed together for a resolution. But we also do not forget the people outside our little circle. We spent time with each other’s families, and maintained friendship with them as well. And by friendship, we made sure that his friends and family become mine, and mine his. We tried to go to each other’s gala with friends, and tried harder to let each one go kung hindi maaaring magplus 1 sa galaan. And that bond makes us stronger and more comfortable not just as a couple but as a happy individual.

3. TRUST

This may be one of the basic foundations of any relationship, and in our case, or my case, this refers to the faith I have in him and in our relationship. Even from the start, he knew that I am a no-fool kind of girl friend. Ayoko higit sa lahat ang komplikasyon (i.e. EX), kaya pinaalam ko na sa kanyang kaya ko gawin ang lahat para maging mapayapa ang aming relasyon, basta kaya niya ring maging matino para sa akin. I trusted him, first with my yes, then my heart, and now, my future. I trust him every single moment I say “I love You” to him, as well as every time we have a fight. I have faith that he truly loves me, and all my efforts to be loyal and mabait at ideal na girlfriend, are all worth it. I am confident that even though we could hurt each other with words, indifference, inattention, or coldness, we will still make up and love each other again. I have faith in our relationship, and in the dreams that we are building together. Most importantly, I have full trust and confidence in God that He’s the scriptwriter and director of our love story, that He also has faith in our relationship. How can I dare doubt that?

4. COMMITMENT

While love makes the relationship sweet and meaningful, friendship makes it fun and alive, trust makes it grounded and secured, commitment wraps it all up. For me, commitment is the most vital aspect of a relationship, for it connects and gives sense to everything. Four years ago, when I finally decided to give up my NBSB status, I have been praying for only one thing: that God always guides my heart to commit myself to Aljhon and the relationship that we’ll be starting. I am not a big fan of trial-and-error or learning-from-mistakes process, and my love life definitely tops the list of the things that I didn’t want to have regrets with in my life. And so, everyday as I pray, I learn to commit to Aljhon and in our love. I commit to love him and be loyal to him at all times. I commit to understand him and forgive his shortcomings and mistakes. I commit myself to be a better person, that I may always deserve the love he is also offering. I commit myself to our shared values- honesty, respect, faithfulness, and even thriftiness. I commit to make him happy and secured, I commit to make him always my priority. I commit myself to Aljhon because I love him, and I know that loving and serving him is also a calling gifted only by God to me.

<img class=”wp-image-1226 size-large” src=”https://sidewalkmusingsandgeniuses.files.wordpress.com/2015/10/20150929_210158.jpg?w=614″ alt=”Solido since 09.29.11 Solido since 09.29.11 ❤

Love. Friendship. Trust. Commitment.

I may not be a world-famous expert on love and relationship, but I know that these four made, and continue to make, our relationship as wonderful and steady as it is now. We don’t have a perfect relationship, but I could say that we are mature in dealing with our issues and emotions.We honor each other as well as these four values. We strive to make these always present, because we are intent on staying together forever. Finally, I know that God is in the center of it all. I know that He’s behind our love, friendship, trust, and commitment. And just by knowing that, I know, forever does exist.

Another tumblr post.

Para kay R.

8 February 2014

Oo, nakakainis talagang maging teenager.

Madami ang bawal. Limited ang resources. At di mabilang ang mga bashers- literally at figuratively. Mahirap maging teenager. Eto yung panahong andami mong gusto gawin at puntahan, pero energy at charming face mo lang ang kaya mong ipuhunan. Nalilito ka na din sa dami nang mga requirements sa school at responsibilities sa bahay at extra-curricular activities, pati na rin sa dami nang effects na pwede mong gamitin sa susunod mong profile picture. Madrama ang buhay teenager. Gusto mong maging ganito at ganyan, pero ni hindi mo pa nga kilala kung sino ka ba nga ba talaga. At ang pinakamasakit sa lahat, yung tipong lahat na lang ng ilablyf mo, napupunta lang sa malabong usapan.

Nakakainis maging teenager, pero mas mahirap maging teenager na umiibig. Sa palagay ko, ito yung pinakanakakainis, pinakapahirap, pero pinaka nakakakilig na form ng love na pwede mong maranasan sa buong buhay mo. Yung mga dramang hindi ko alam ano ba kami eh/ gusto ko sya, parang gusto din naman niya ako/ bakit kasi ang torpe/manhid niya? / you’re so near, yet so far!/ araw-araw kami magkasama, magkatxt, magkachat,  kilala na nga ko sa kanila eh, pero Friends lang kame ah, BEST FRIENDS!!! at napakadami pang paEffect. Mahirap pero makulay yung teenage love. Masaya, masakit. Pero madami kang pwedeng matutunan.

Kaya magmahal ka lang sa panahon na yan. Magmahal ka pero wag muna sa iisang tao lang. Mahalin mo muna ang sarili mo. Mahalin mo muna yung pamilya mo, yung mga kaibigan mo, higit sa lahat yung mga responsibilidad mo. Mahalin mo muna lahat ng ikaw ngayon, para pag dumating yung araw na makakilala ka ng taong handa mong pagbigyan ng sarili mo, hindi mo makalimutan kung sino ka. Tanggapin mo muna lahat ng panget sayo, ayusin at i-edit hindi lang yung selfie mo kundi pati yung sarili mo- inside and out, para pagdating ng panahon, hindi mo sya sisihin kung anyare sa life mo. Higit sa lahat, mahalin at paglingkuran mo muna si God. Sya kasi yung magbibigay sayo ng the One.

Pag-ibig ang isa sa mga bagay na di dapat minamadali. May dahilan bakit anim na piso lang ang nescafe 3-in-1 samantalang 200pesos ang kape sa Starbucks. Wag na wag mong iisiping teenager ka lang kaya may karapatan kang magpakatanga at magkamali. Enjoyin mo lang muna ang lahat ng hirap, inis, saya, at kilig ng phase na to nang walang expectations pero may prayer at tamang guidance. Sa tamang panahon, pag handa ka na, pag handa na sya, at handa na lahat sa buhay mo, darating na lang sya.

A post from Tumblr

I am currently on the mode of deleting my tumblr account.

This has always been my plan ever since I stopped visiting the site last year, but I just keep on backreading my own blog and the result is I also keep on failing on this mission. But yeah, sometimes, you just have to let go of some things so you can move on with the other part of your life. Ano daw?! Anyway, I’ll be migrating just this one post from the now-defunct rolindajosine.tumblr.com. Ktnxbye.

Turning a year older

17 January 2014

Another year will be added to my age exactly one month from now. While I’m not especially old, I could feel the pressure this number has on people. Whether we admit or not, there would be things one must accomplish upon reaching a certain age to be deemed an acceptable and productive member of society. There would always be that concept of maturity, stages of development, and societal norms that will be the measure if you are living your life to the fullest and you are not just busy doing nothing except let the years go by right before your eyes. Age is just a number as they say, but what really defines a man is still how he spends his days and makes that number significant, right?

I’ll be 23 next month. Not too old, yet not getting any younger, either. Looking back, I have a fair share of accomplishments, and there have been lot of things I can be really be proud of myself. Yet, I also feel threatened for sometimes I feel like I’m nowhere near my dreams. Sometimes my abilities are just left as potentials, for I am too lazy counting the days and weighing if odds will really be in my favor. Sometimes what I have are just words, and the lists of to do’s to be this and be that.

And that’s what I think is the hardest when you come out of school and graduate college. No more gut-wrenching quizzes, homeworks, and projects. No more terror professors and their power tripping. Just you, the “real world” out there, and the choices you have to make. And those choices are not just about what to do when classes are suspended. Neither where in the whole campus will you eat for lunch. These are already life changing choices that could either make or break you. These are actually the most significant, for it is only you that can do them. Not your friends, beer buddies, work mates, classmates, or lovers. Not your boss or your mentors. Not even your parents who seem to know a lot more about you better than you do yourself.

And I think that the isolation, and the always present pressure to be good is what’s scaring me now. Back in my school days when things were much simpler, I am used to having my life all-planned and simplified: After six years in primary school, I just need to get into USTHS; then I just need to survive the whole four years of mind-blowing high school learning while battling out teenage issues and senselessness; after that, I just need to be more serious for I have to get that college diploma just after four years. Every year, though of course unaware of what challenges I’ll be facing, at least I am certain of the path I should be taking. Not now when I’m living in the “real world”. Not now when time is in my hands, opportunities are all but overwhelming admonition that I could be anything, if only I wake up from the routinary frenzy of my comfortable life.

A month from now, I’ll be turning a year older. Not much of an excitement, for I also believe that age is just a number. Yeah, in my heart, I think that I am still seventeen. But I know that I need to already act like a real twenty-two now, for I am really twenty-two now. I am not getting any younger, and though I can never be too late in becoming anything, this doesn’t change the fact that the world is also advancing and transforming everyday. I am no child anymore, and I need to take responsibilities and be accountable for my own life and future. Damn those fears, insecurities, and laziness. I’ll be stepping up, making errors, but at least leading a challenging life that could make me happy.

I owe that to my self.

Fiat para ochleo

They say that wherever you are right now, God intends for you to be in that particular place at that particular moment. If it ‘s really meant to be, it will be.

And in this particular moment of my life, I am still in strong belief that God had already done great miracles in me, but He is not yet done.

For the past 8 months, there had been numerous changes that happened. I am now a 24-year old  Guidance Counselor, Aljhon and I are already preparing seriously for the future, my family is in the brink of depression over the prospect of losing Owa to the seminary, the choir has flown slowly into separate roads and individual pursuits, and I have been playing COC every night already. Over the years, I am so not really into major changes, and this time has really gotten me feeling panicked and scary. There are questions that I honestly feel afraid to be asked, and much more, answered. There have been what-if situations I totally fear to encounter, and I know I sometimes worry more than I could really reflect. I feel small and alone and clueless and choked.

But I know God was, is, and will always be in control. He designed this world for change to be the only thing permanent, but so does I to be strong and flexible and adaptable. I could always be clueless and small, but I have the strength to do all things, in His name and for His glory. God intends for me to experience this roller coaster ride in this particular phase of my life, because He is planning something greater than what I could ever imagine. And I could just place my faith on that.

The story of the blurred Selfie

My weekends are usually eventful, but the previous one could be considered as one of the best.

We woke up early for the 5AM mass, were not late, but since the microphones were still off, we hadn’t sung the entrance song. After two masses in The Shrine, we hurried to our small chapel, and filled the even smaller choir loft with happy praises and laughters.

Then came the epic breakfast with the epic selfies of our epic faces.

Aljhon came to show his love for me by seaming my boyish sandals, then accompanied me to Cubao to fetch my lovesick future brother-in-law, in formal slacks and button-down shirt, nervously preparing for his proposal to Ate Joan. After choosing the right flowers and doughnuts, and teasing Aljhon in buying me roses and me being turned down, we went home to surprise my sister with a commitment ring and Ephraim’s promise to be the best boyfriend she can ever have. I had been tearful as well as they hug and Ate Joan say yes. Finally the day we have been praying for came, and all I could wish for is for them to have a sweet and mature relationship.

Then the late afternoon lolled in as we headed for the last mass of the day. Praise God for the good songs, and though it had been my fourth mass on that day, I still received a very powerful affirmation:

The central point and very essence of Jesus’ miracle of multiplication of loaves is God’s never-ending abundance and blessings.

My Sunday ended in Aljhon’s embraces and in another selfie escapade- this time with Mama and Papa in the background.

After 21 attempts, this is still the best shot we got. One blurred photo, seven familiar faces, two additional members of the family, an eye, a sister with mouth hanging open, and a happiness so epic I couldn’t find enough words to express it.

And I finally understood what the affirmation from the mass means. God has loved me so much to give me my wonderful family, a boyfriend willing to serve me in ways unpredictable, a ministry I could learn from and grow in, and friends to keep me company. God has loved me so much that he is multiplying these love everyday, to bless me and for me to bless others with this same love. God has loved me so much for He is forever generous, caring, and gracious.

Thank you my Lord for blurred pictures, epic weekends and even better relationships. You never fail to amaze me with your ways.

Confessions of an Old young servant-leader

BANG!

The pain was searing, starting from the deepest hollow of my heart. It was slowly creating a hole big enough to engulf all reasons and dissolve any feelings of fondness and tenderness. The realization born out of their evasion was further confirmed thru words- letters knitted together to become an ultimate lethal weapon- though it was not intended to hurt. Still, the pain of becoming rejected was unbearable. Then, just as any other emotions known to man, it numbed me, made me bitter, and crippled me.

There would always be a first time for everything; and this is the first time that I felt useless and disregarded in my ministry. For ten years in service, I strive to be God’s champion- I started doing the most avoided tasks, the menial labor, the work behind the scene. I grew in my ministry winning hearts and obtaining respect. I become old not just in age but in my experiences, knowledge, and judgment. I watched and prayed as the young ones I took care of grow up as well and ultimately become the new leaders of our band. They attain the positions I once held, say the talk I once spoke, and fill in the places I could no longer cover. And I am happy. I could say that I am one of the proudest to see them shine and mature.

But I just discovered that I am just human. When the ones dearest to me start to tear away and give me the most hurtful rejection ever, I learned that I am still capable of breaking down. So much for the ungratefulness drama. So much for the what-happened? stagecraft.

I’ve learned that the most paralyzing feeling for an old servant-leader is when he realizes that he’s no longer needed to be there for the job. He’s no longer the one to turn to, the leader who will sweat, labor, and function for everybody and everything. The one who does the most work before became the one who just look over while everybody else sweat, labor, and function.

Even if your kindness won’t be acknowledged by anyone, remember that someone in heaven smiles for what you’ve done.

After a crazy crying spiel with my prayer partner, I then realized that God is just teaching  me another thing about growing up. The past days have been filled by my prayers to become a more mature person, and there I was, being taught by the Lord that one vital lesson every single old servant-leader must know: Let go of your childish emotions and be the elder your younger brothers and sisters need to model. I believe that God is telling me to let them go, and just guide them in finding their own niche in service. I will not be their best ate forever, and for them to grow, I must also allow them to do those things themselves. It was hard, I admit, for I can’t help feeling that God is taking away the very things I hold dear for the past ten years. But God is faithful, I know, and whenever he closes a door, he opens windows and gates and passages. I know he will not leave empty-handed. All I should do is trust, and obey.

 

I’m writing this post so I may not forget

I could now say I am officially a grown up.

There’s no more selfish wishes for me. Lately, I am filled with the desires for the future- to become a better person, a more financially-stable professional, and a more productive, satisfied and brave individual.

I just come to terms that I am not becoming any younger. Three years have already passed since I graduated from college, and except for the added weight, I could still see the college (even high school) Josine when I look in the mirror.

There’s nothing wrong in staying young, but it is a completely different thing when I stay immature, selfish, and dependent.

So I am writing this post so I may not forget this day when I pledge to officially become a grown up.

I will apply for a Master’s degree in Guidance and Counseling. I will establish small-scale businesses, on my own and with others. I may also color my hair and get it cut.

I just want change now. Positive, life-turning, and future-beneficial changes.

So help me God.

Ano bang nabago? :3

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