Personal · Work

I’m tired (but fighting)

Alam mo yung tipo ng pagod na kahit gano kadaming milk tea ang laklakin ko, o kahit starbucks ang kape ko, kalahating araw lang ako nacomfort at pagod pa din ako. Yung sinasabi sa quotes na “my soul is tired” kasi hindi rin naman tulog ang kailangan ko. Pagod na ko sa trabaho. Pagod na kong palagi na lang maging troubleshooter sa mga problema ng ibang tao. Pagod na kong umastang okay lang, kahit pa di ko rin naman mapigilan ang sarili na ngumiti, tumawa, tumulong, o unahin ang iba. Pagod na kong palagi na lang akong negative thinker, pagod na kong maging pagod palagi. Nakakapagod yung feeling na gusto kong maglock ng office door para walang bata, o Parent, na maghanap o kumausap sakin, tapos magi-guilty ako kasi that’s the reason why I’m in that office in the first place.

Napanood ko sa news kanina, kulang daw ang mga Guidance Counselors kaya dumadami ang cases ng bullying at child abuse sa mga paaralan. Mas lalo akong nalungkot. As much as I wanted to pursue this career and vocation, nakakapagod kasi talaga. Ang haba pa ng lalakbayin bago ka matawag na REGISTERED Guidance Counselor. Gagastos ng limpak-limpak na salapi para sa mga qualifications na kailangan, para sa basic at “less than the faculty members” salary. Sa apat na taon ko sa academe, palagi kong naririnig yung di kami pwede ipantay sa mga teachers, kasi NON-TEACHING personnel kami, pero bakit ang demand katulad lang ng sa mga guro? At ayan na nga, samin nasisisi kapag dumadami ang mga kaso ng mga batang nagmi-misbehave.

Life isn’t always fair, and I understand that. In my line of work, I am not as appreciated as a regular teacher do, but I’ve already accepted that long way before. I’m not much into recognition (though I now appreciate a higher pay hahahahaha), but what I really need is peace of mind. I long to be respected for what I do, especially from the Parents who supposedly should model good manners and right conduct. I’m praying for the day when Guidance Counselors can also be given the rest and guidance they also rightfully deserve. I hope Guidance Counselors can also be taken care of. I hope.

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I have written this post earlier this morning on my way to work, and saved it to be published this lunch break. Just this morning, a Parent came to my office and we talked. When we finished, she told me, “Ma’am, thank you po ha. I appreciate what you do, salamat po sa concern sa anak ko.” Ni hindi ako nakasagot agad. :< Thank you Lord. In the most difficult times, He would bring someone to lift me up.

2 thoughts on “I’m tired (but fighting)

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