Motherhood · Musings

I was happy until I became pregnant

Becoming pregnant is one of the most monumental things that ever happened to me. All of a sudden, everything became bigger (pun intended), and my perspective in life turned more serious and wide. Well, I am breathing for two people, for one thing, and there is this ever present pressure to take care of not just myself but the baby growing inside me.

Mommy Sen @ 12 weeks

And that, I think, is the hardest part of my adjustment in being a certified mommy. I now have to be more focused with becoming healthy- and that means no more puyat, no more pagod, no more gutom. As I was one hell of a busy, always MR woman, this is very hard to come to terms with. Especially in my first trimester, I grew frustrated of people telling me not to do this or that, not to go anywhere, and even what not to eat, watch, or feel. This feeling, in addition to crazy morning sicknessessss and crazier hormonal urges, made me feel restrained and discouraged in some days.

Thank God for making a gift called the 2nd Trimester. Though my baby bump was becoming bigger and more prominent,my energy and enthusiasm towards life returned. At this point, I finally got the ID to use and appreciate priority lanes in the supermarket and establishments. This is also the sweetest time for I was finally being able to physically bond with the baby in my tummy. Though I only recognized the bumps and kicks (Mama was already worried!) as well as determined the gender only by the 6th month, nothing can ever compare to the joy I always have when my little Princess was enjoying rolling inside me. But during this time, I also became busy with counseling work as well as my graduate studies. Staying healthy and well-rested is still my top priority, but I couldn’t just dump my responsibilities at home, work, and school. I had to juggle time efficiently, and thank God for being my strength and stronghold.

Strong & happy @ 24th week

Third trimester came and I was no longer the skinny girl I used to know when I look at myself in the mirror. There were good days, and much more, worse days. My mood was at its craziest, and I always felt huge and tired. But my little Princess was a ball of sunshine that turned gloomy days into better ones. I always had something painful in my body, but that was a pain I wouldn’t ever mind.

Fast forward to my 38th week, I started my maternity leave even without any symptoms of labor for my patience at commuting to and from work had already reached its end. I was actually in the middle of being scared of what will happen in the delivery room and being joyful & excited with what’s coming after the dreaded pain of childbirth. The two weeks before my due date was a blur of fidgety sleep, bloody IEs, unabashed crying, unwanted moodiness, and loooooooong walks. We were kind of getting worried then because I was stuck with 1-2cm dilation with no pain or contractions. But despite the bloodiness and patience-testing moments of that crucial 2 weeks, I was actually thankful for Aljhon & I were able to build a bond that I know we’ll cherish forever. Those were the moments I needed him most, and he didn’t fail in his vow of being a faithful husband, in joy & despair, sickness & pain.

June 18, 2017, Father’s Day. I woke to a painful stomach. I stood up from the bed and noticed my wet shorts. I got mad at myself first but then I realized there was still water trickling down my legs. With all my family members, I was brought to the USTH at 5:30am. I was admitted with 5cm dilation and then the PAIN came to me. It was undescribable. I will always remember my moments at the labor room as horrifying and sacred at the same time. At 8am, my OB already instructed her JIs to transfer me to the delivery room; and from there, the most exhausting, draining, traumatic and amazing thing ever in my life happened. Rafaella Jesusa was born at 10:20am. I remember when I was still a teenager, I was prayed over a youth camp to receive the power of the Holy Spirit to create miracles; and at that very first moment I laid my exhausted and bloodshot eyes on my baby, I knew she is one of them.

Welcome Rafaella Jesusa! 💕🎉

Becoming pregnant is one of the most monumental things ever happened to me. It changed my life- my priorities and perspective, my goals and attitudes- forever. I was happy until I became pregnant, because now, what I feel is extremely joyful and blessed. I chose to share my childbirth story for I would like to share how greatly God has been good to us and how greatly Rafaella has blessed us. For all this, may God be glorified!

P. S. It’s Ella’s 4th month today. We love You baby! 😘😙😍❤

2 thoughts on “I was happy until I became pregnant

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